What is ‘Floodlighting’ and Why is it Making Singles Wary of Dating Again?
It’s no secret that dating is wild, even more so in this digital age. Swiping left, swiping right, sometimes you even end up matching with a catfisher, or worse, a stalker. But just when you thought you’d heard it all, along comes a new and toxic dating trend that has singles raising their eyebrows and deleting their dating apps: floodlighting.
Floodlighting (not to be confused with gaslighting—that’s for another post) is the latest dating trend that has people rethinking whether it’s even worth exerting time and effort to date in the first place.
What is Floodlighting?
The term was coined by psychologist Brené Brown, per The Guardian. This dating trend involves oversharing personal information with someone you’re dating early on—sometimes even on the first date (because, hey, they’ve got to know what they’re getting into).
It’s not being vulnerable or honest, as some “floodlighter” might argue. According to podcaster Becca Tobin, “Floodlighting. It’s the opposite of vulnerability, but it presents as somebody who’s very open and vulnerable. When they overshare a lot right upfront, they’re floodlighting you — they’re flashing these lights into your face.”
In an interview with Glamour, Jessica and Louella Alderson, co-founders of the dating app So Synced, explained that floodlighting is putting the relationship in a “high-intensity spotlight” even if the relationship is still new. Jessica said, “Floodlighting in dating is about using vulnerability as a high-intensity spotlight. It involves sharing a lot of personal details all at once — to test the waters, speed up intimacy, or see if the other person can ‘handle’ these parts of you.”
She added that while floodlighting isn’t inherently “bad,” it can be incredibly harmful. There’s a risk of being exploited by someone you don’t know well yet who already knows a lot about you. It can also cause one person in the relationship to become the “emotional caretaker” of the floodlighter. This dynamic creates a false sense of intimacy, leading to feelings of suffocation and emotional exhaustion.
The Takeaway: Be Wary, But Not Jaded
While floodlighting is a toxic trend, it serves as a reminder for those dating to set firm boundaries. Real relationships shouldn’t feel like an emotional rollercoaster. When you’re with the right person, it’s steady, supportive, and stable. While being vulnerable and sharing your experiences is important, don’t expect your partner to carry the emotional weight for you.
Floodlighting might make you question if dating is worth it, but with a little self-awareness, it’s something you can definitely handle.
