I Miss My Sister

I miss my sister. It was one year ago today that I lost Debbie. Maybe you have someone like her in your life. I hope you do. Because I was so lucky to have her.

Debbie died after a difficult battle with cancer. I thought she was invincible. My family and I owe the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society with 10-extra years with Debbie. I am forever grateful for the research and unwavering support.

I used to joke that I have a good sister and a bad sister. Debbie was the bad sister. She was the one who lived life on the edge - on her terms. She pushed the envelope and loved bringing her little sister along with her for the ride. She was my ride or die and we always had a blast.

Debbie went through life on her terms and, like each of us, made some bad decisions - but they were her decisions. She owned them, righted the ship, and kept going, never looking back. And that has to be one of the most important lessons I ever learned from her. Own it and keep moving forward.

Debbie was the one I would call when I questioned myself - especially as a mom. She always told it to me straight, whether I wanted to hear it or not. She never did anything half-way. She was strength personified. Her confidence in tackling the world gave me the confidence to do the same. 

And she loved harder than anyone I’ve ever known. Debbie had a way of balancing her strength with so much love and affection you couldn’t help but melt into whatever wisdom she told you.

I felt so lucky to have her - because I thought our relationship was just ours. A big-sister, little-sister thing. But, a couple months after her death, Debbie's friends celebrated her birthday with a memorial party. Every person I met that night told me a unique story of how Debbie came into their lives exactly when they needed her. 

I thought Debbie was mine. I am selfish in my loss. In my mind I know she was so much to so many, daughter, sister, wife, mother, grammy -  but in my heart I cannot imagine anyone loving her or missing her more than I do. 

One year ago today, I didn’t know how I would survive a day, let alone a year without my big sister. 

Today, I am determined to live up to her expectations - and her legacy.