Intern Insights: Anxiety Disorder & Dan + Shay’s New Song “Say So”

Our intern Rachel submitted this very personal expression at the time I received an early copy of Dan + Shay's new song "Say So." The song tells the tragic story of a friend who died by suicide. The lyrics of the song are at the end of this post.

I don't believe in coincidences. The timing of Rachel sharing her story happened at exactly the right time. If you need someone - say so. I guarantee you will find someone who cares and wants you in this world. ~ Andie

Everyone has experienced anxiety. However, not everyone has an anxiety disorder. An anxiety disorder is what temporary anxiety over a test or job interview feels like, but heightened and persistent. Those who have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder know that everybody’s experience with anxiety is different. My experience with anxiety has been ongoing since I was thirteen. 

I was thirteen, entering my first year of middle school, when I first experienced anxiety. Prior to turning thirteen, I had friends, I was a social kid, I loved school, I always had my nose in a book. I call it a downward spiral; my grandmother had just passed away from cancer, my parents were undergoing a divorce, and I was experiencing the stress of an average thirteen-year-old. Anxiety began to consume my entire life. I never sat through an entire class period uninterrupted by anxiety. I became best friends with the school nurse and the guidance department. 

My mom was a crucial part of my life during this time. I heavily relied on her, and that’s a debt I could never repay. I was unable to go to school all day without running to the bathroom to call my mom. She had to force me into school on multiple occasions while I cried and begged her to take me home. She drove me to school every single day, took me to all of my counseling and doctors appointments. Eventually, I began to think I would be better off not being here. I told myself I would make everyone’s lives so much easier. I wanted to give up every single day. But, my mom pulled me out. She gave her entire life to me and my pain. She was there every second, minute, hour, and day. My mom both gave me life, and saved my life. 

I have dealt with anxiety since my diagnosis nine years ago. I have learned how to navigate, cope, and come out the other side thanks to people who have supported me, medication, and counseling. However, just because you get it under control, doesn’t mean it goes away. I still struggle with anxiety, and college is no exception. 

College comes with so many different obstacles and life changes; you’re working towards a degree that you plan to utilize for the rest of your life, you may move out of your home, you may undergo changes in relationships and friendships. College is a time where you start to become your own person, and all of these changes invoke stress and anxiety. For me, college has been filled with great experiences. But, there have been times where I have struggled. I have gone through seasons of depression, loss of appetite, impending doom lingering over me. I have laid on my couch with zero motivation to do anything at all. Being in college and struggling with mental health is a different kind of nuisance because you’re trying to be an adult, you’re trying to establish yourself in your desired field, you’re constantly doing something for school or work. 

As a junior in college, I have learned some tips on navigating and prioritizing mental health throughout college. I highly recommend that if you’re struggling, you:

Please take care of yourself. The world needs you.

(We were lucky enough to talk to Dan + Shay about their new song. Check out the interview below...)